My Baby...

is turning 2 in a couple of weeks and it is quite depressing. I was really sad when Logan turned 5, but Kolby turning 2 is really doing a number on me. I mean he is my baby and the last one I will ever have. Honestly he isn't a baby anymore and he is really turning into a terrible two toddler so quickly. "NO" "Nah ah" and "Me Help" have become the main words in his vocabulary. The funny thing is that Kolby really doesn't talk. He has been in speech since Apr. and you can really see a difference in his communication skills and how much he is progressing, but really he doesn't talk. But, those 3 statements are quite clear and used most often. He is super independent and does everything that Logan does. It is really cute and I love to watch their relationship develop, but I miss my baby. The other night I was holding him while he was sleeping and I just kept rubbing his little fingers and tracing his little face and trying to burn it into my memory. I kept kissing his little lips and eyes and I wish I could have that moment forever. I mean I do have it forever in my memory and it is mine to hold onto and cherish, but boy it would be nice to have him so small forever. I know what is next to come and I can only imagine what he will be like at Logan's age.

I miss the baby days with Logan. Everyone swears that they want their kids to get bigger that life would be easier and I always laugh because I was even one of those moms. I still say it sometimes. But the truth is that the baby days are so easy and as they get older it just gets harder. Logan's mouth just runs and runs and I don't mean talking. He has so much sass in him I thank God he was not a girl. His little mouth just says things some times and I have to stop and pause and remind myself that he is just a little boy. And his temper is out of this world. And determination to have the last word and to be right, well lets just say that he doesn't go down without a fight. I totally recognize his temper and determination, he comes by it naturally. I was like that, I still am like that. I remember doing things knowing I was going to get in trouble and not caring just to spite my parents and Logan is the same way. The good things is that he will mellow with age and he will learn to control these things and he will learn when to walk away and just let it go. Unfortunately I think I was married when I stared to put what I had learned into use. So I am not sure that Eric & I will benefit from what he learns, but maybe his wife will and that is a good thing.

Kolby is just a whole other story. Whatever grief Logan has caused me in his short five years, Kolby has managed to cause in less than 2. He is the spitting image of me. High maintenance, defiant, temper that is out of this world, and just so darn stubborn. Anyone who knew me as a child says I got what my mother prayed for, a child just like me. But I know that these things will help him in life to be a stronger, better person. Once he figures out what he believes and what he wants for himself he will go out and get it. He will not let things stand in his way and he will make the world a better place.

Both of my boys are outgoing, strong, confident, stubborn, strong-willed and I wouldn't have it any other way. As a parent raising 2 boys I know that my life is that much harder, but on the other hand I know that no one is going to push them around in life. I know that these are not bad qualities once you learn how to control them and that most likely they will be leaders. That is what I want for them. I want them to be strong. I want them to go out and get what they want. I want them to have the personality to achieve their happiness.

As for now I will just pray for patience and understanding, but of course I know how that goes. I ask God for patience and he just shows me how much more I can handle. And that's okay too.

Summertime...

I can't decide if I want summer to go quickly or slowly. Everyday I wake up and I want the day to last and I want to make the most of it that I can. I know that this is my last summer with Logan before he starts school and I really want to make the most of it. But, by the end of each and everyday I am ready for the summer to go by quickly and to get it over with and to get him into school. Then I count the weeks left and I feel guilty. I love both him and Kolby to death, but they have a way of driving me crazy. I feel like I am going to go insane. I mean who knew that a 5 year old and his almost 2 year old little brother could gang up on one mom so many times in a day. They love to play together and then the next minute one of them is screaming or crying that the other one did this or that. So I go in there and separate them and 2 minutes later they are begging to play together again. And so the cycle begins. I don't know what I am going to do with them. Besides, it is really hard to punish them when they are using such great teamwork to get on my nerves. :) I guess I shouldn't encourage that.

Besides driving me crazy the boys are doing really well. Logan is really enjoying his 4 wheeler that he got for his birthday from my parents and Kolby is really wishing that he had one. We are headed for Croom next week (4th of July) to do some camping, hiking, and riding. Hopefully it won't rain to much and Logan will get to test out his new ATV in the kiddie area. I love this trips that we take and they give the boys a good sense of the outdoors. Sometimes you wonder if you are spoiling your kids too much (Yes I am) and I just feel like putting them outside in nature helps bring them back to their senses. Besides I love being outside with them and watching them discover new things. They also love camping and think it is the greatest thing in the world. I am really lucky that my parents bought a RV and we are able to camp year around.

Logan had a great birthday party and he had lots of friends show up. Despite the rain (it was outside at the park) we were able to pull off all the games including the race car elimination game that we planned. He got lots of great gifts, including some that are really going to stimulate his mind (super important). I am off to planning Kolby's birthday party now. It is a dinosaur dig in the backyard and I have collected some really cool ideas on the Internet (Thank you to all the moms who have come before me and posted their great party ideas out there) and I have come up with some of my own and hopefully we can pull off Kolby's party with great success. I always feel terrible because Logan had a great 1st birthday and Kolby got ripped off because I was working and then my dad had a heart attack so we really had a tiny party for Kolby. I am trying to make up for it this year even though he will not remember or know the difference. I already created the invites and now I just have to make them. They are really cute dinosaurs and I just love them. Keep a look out for them, hope you love them just as much.

Other than that there isn't much to report about the boys. Logan will start speech in another week, Kolby is doing great in speech, and after soccer camp in July Logan will trade in his dancing shoes for a Karate uniform. I am hoping that he likes this new activity and learns some discipline from it. After Croom hopefully I will have more to tell you about.

Logan's Favorites...

have been updated. Read these because some of them never change and others change often. More often than some people take a shower.
Andrea

Logan Graduated

So June 4th was the big day and Logan graduated from Bright Beginnings Preschool. It was a super cute ceremony and he won the Math Award (or reward as he kept telling us). He was in a cap and gown and I just can't begin to explain the emotion that went through me. It was crazy. I never thought that I would cry, but I was so overwhelmed with joy and grief that my baby is now a big boy. It is hard to let go. So he starts school in Aug at Westside and I am pretty excited for him. He is going into an all boys classroom which I am looking forward to. I know that this summer will be a special one and we will make lots of treasured memories so keep looking out on both blogs to see what is going on.

Back in the swing of things

So we are back home and this first week has been about getting back in the swing of things. Back to bed at bedtime, back to being at school, back to cooking dinner (side note: It's really nice to have someone cook for you every night, Thanks a lot Maryann!), back to reading bedtime stories and bath times and just back to normal everyday life. So now that we are back and doing things like we should, we have made a couple of new adjustments. We have been eating at the dinning room table instead of the small table in the kitchen. The boys are doing okay with that. Kolby is having a grand time with a table cloth, but with time he will get use to it.

As far as eating goes we have also started enforcing the rule that Logan must eat what we are eating for dinner. This has been really hard to get him to try new foods, but we are doing it slowly and it seems to be working. The main thing is that I really try to cook at least one thing that I know he likes and will eat. Then he has to try everything else. Now when I say that I cook one thing that he likes I don't mean like Mac N Cheese or Chicken Nuggets. I mean stuff like baked chicken that is healthy and not processed. So for a run down this week Logan has eaten; Monday- Shrimp and Mac N Cheese (Let me explain this is soccer night so food must be quick and I hadn't gone shopping) Tues- Rice, Chicken, Broccoli Cheese Bake with a cream sauce, Wed-Pork Chops, Cornbread Stuffing and Salad, Thurs-Fried Rice and Fried Wontons(yes I made this) and tonight we will have Hot Dogs and Baked Beans. Friday is our go easy night! Logan fought most of this, but in the end with some frustration and perseverance on our part Logan ate the food that was served. YEA, one for the home team. This week coming up we have Cranberry Chicken with steamed veggies, Beef Stew with White Rice, Meatloaf with Potatoes and Corn, Yellow Rice and Sausage and something on Friday which my mom will make because we will be camping.

As far as school goes Logan had an awesome first week back. When we got home he asked if he could stay home on Monday so that he could get his brain together so that he could behave. I think he really needed one day to just get himself back in order. Heck, we need that time as adults, how could a small boy not need that time. I decided that he could stay home Monday and chill out and play with his toys from Santa. So after the awesome week he had at school I am really glad that I made that choice. He got 2 stickers on Tues, 5 on Wed, and even more on Thurs. The bee chart is really working great at school and the teacher says that he is responding to it in a very excited and positive manner. We are seriously trying to incorporate the chart into our house. Hopefully it will have the same positive impact at home.

Other than that the boys are doing good, nothing else really new. Hope you all have had a good 2008 so far and are adjusting to the new year and whatever new routines you have established in your home.

My little boy...

My little boy is not the poster boy for the perfect 4 year old. He is actually far from it. My little boy is loud and can be a bit obnoxious sometimes (that's putting it kindly). My little boy gives hyper a whole new meaning. My little boy runs around like a crazed maniac making all kinds of interesting sounds and can make you dizzy just watching him. My little boy is messy and talks way to much while he is eating. My little boy does most things really slow and doesn't stay on track. My little boy can talk until you want to pull your hair out. My little boy can ask questions that make your head spin and make you wonder where he gets it from. My little boy can throw a temper tantrum that makes you want to run in the opposite direction. My little boy is not the best listener and he doesn't follow directions very well either. Yes, my little boy is a lot of undesirable things, but he is my little boy. The one thing that I never thought of him as was annoying. I have never seen him as someone that others didn't want to be around. I never saw him as someone that others would prefer that he go away or that he wasn't around. Yes I can see all of his imperfections, I am his mother after all and no one has spent the countless hours with him that I have. I know that he is not perfect, but I also know that for all his faults he has so much more to offer. My little boy is also a super loving person with a heart so big and full of love that we should all aim to love like him. My little boy will walk into a room and fill it with laughter and joy, like only a little boy can. My little boy is giving and sweet and compassionate. He is the first to ask why someone is sad or not feeling well. My little boy will tell you he loves you just to see you smile. He would never do something to make you upset on purpose. My little boy is helpful and sincere. He is a good boy.

In the past couple of days it has been brought to my attention that there are some people that do not appreciate him for who he is. That they do find him annoying and they want him to go away. These are not random strangers, these are people that I expect to love him and see him for all that he is and all that he has to offer this world. These are people that my little boy loves and adores. People that my little boy longs to have relationships with and doesn't understand when they are short with him or they tell him to go away. After all, he is just a little boy and this is way beyond him. I can't tell you how broken my heart is right now and how it continues to break for my little boy. I can see the look on his face and I know that somewhere inside he realizes that these people don't want to be around him. It hurts, but he doesn't understand why. Yes, my heart is broken and I am angry. I don't know if I will be able to offer forgiveness this time. I don't know how I will ever get over the feelings I have inside. I like to think of myself as a good person with a good heart, but I just don't know if I have enough good left in me this time. You see when I look at my little boy I see something so much different. I see a little boy so vivacious and full of life. A little boy so ready to explore the world around him that he can't contain himself. I see a little boy that is so full of so many emotions that he hasn't yet learned to control. I see a little boy that wants to get as much knowledge that he can fit into his mind and then some so he ask an endless amount of questions. When my little boy is getting louder and louder and laughing uncontrollably, I don't see the craziness that is occurring, I see the excitement that he tries hard to contain but can't. I see the twinkle in his eye, the amazing smile on his face that is radiating so much happiness. I see the little boy he is really enjoying life in a way that only a naive little boy can. When my little boy is running around the house like a crazed lunatic I see the energy that he has and how full of life he really is. When he is asking the endless questions that he ask I see his brain expanding and wonder if one day he will find the cures to save people's lives or if he will develop something that will be life changing for those who use it. When he is making the most annoying sounds I see his imagination at work and I wonder what else he can create in there. When he talks too much I see the little boy who is just so happy to be with me and the little boy that wants to share his life with me. When he is doing things slowly and not staying on track (especially when I am in a hurry) I see the little boy that is thinking and doing things his way. When he throws a temper tantrum I see his independence emerging and I am so filled with excitement that he will be a leader and not a follower. I am thrilled that he is filled with enough self confidence that he knows he can do things his way and that his father and I still love him and will not look at him with disapproving looks. I am happy that he has feelings and is learning how to use them. These times can be difficult, but being a parent is never easy. I constantly remind myself to look at my little boy for what he is, to respect his thoughts and feelings as I would want him to respect me. I see my little boy not only for what he is, but for what he will become and for what he has to offer this world. I know my little boy is special beyond words (what mother doesn't feel that way). I think beyond my anger and my sadness for my little boy I am more sorry for those around him that don't want to be. I am sorry for them that they don't see him the way that I do. That they can't love and accept him for who is. I am sorry that they will miss a most interesting adventure with my little boy. That they will never truly appreciate the world through his most amazing eyes. That they will miss out on his life.

My moments...

I have a friend (if you are reading this, you know who you are!) that when I was pregnant with Kolby, while sitting in her living room one day, I asked what it was like having multiple children. I mean what was I to expect? How hard was it? Did she regret having three kids? Was I actually crazy for wanting more than one? She replied that the best thing in life was listening to your children in the other room playing together and making each other laugh. I thought she was crazy, absolutely insane and assumed that this is what having multiple children did to you. I had already heard some of the worst stories about having two kids. People had told me how their older child wouldn't even talk to them when the new baby came home. I had heard how other moms couldn't figure out how to deal with 2 kids and how they had doubted themselves as mothers. I had heard it all and now someone I considered a great friend tells me it's the best thing in life. Yep, definitely CRAZY!! I put it aside and a few months later I had Kolby. Logan being extremely pissed off at me, check. Me not being able to split myself between 2 kids, check. Me feeling more out of control than ever, check. Me not knowing how to like Kolby, check. I mean I loved him, he was mine, but it sure wasn't that intense greater than life love at first sight. Me doubting myself as a mother, wondering what the hell I was thinking, check. Okay so I definitely went through some rough spots after Kolby was born, but I didn't know how much worse it was going to get. Nor did I actually know that the best moments were yet to come. I just fast forward here to the present, nearly 16 months since Kolby entered this family. My 2 boys are best friends and they love each other so darn much. They play together nonstop and they miss each other when they aren't together. And yes, there is nothing better than listening to the 2 of them from the other room or the front seat of my car laughing hysterically at each other. Not another moment in time could be better. And those moments when they are laughing with each other and playing so awesomely together can fix any other horrible moment. I mean don't get me wrong, they are hellians and they are rough and they can be so darn bad. And more times than not I feel like I am losing my mind and that I need some serious drugs. I feel like I am so out of control and I will never regain control of my house. I feel like I am talking to a wall and that I should be on some bizarre reality show. Life in my house can be hell, but then there are those moments when they are playing and laughing and life is perfect. I have started to think of those moments when I think what the hell was I thinking and it seems to ease the tension some. I also think that there even more awesome moments to come. I wouldn't trade these moments or the really great ones in the future for peace and quiet and control for anything. These are my moments to hold and to cherish. These are my moments that they will never know that they have given me until the day that they have their own kids. These are my moments and yes, my friend is not crazy she is perfectly sane and pretty darn awesome to realize how awesome having more than one kid is. I don't know why she didn't tell me the horrible aspects of having 2 kids that day. Maybe she knew I couldn't handle it. Maybe she knew just how bad times could get and she wanted to give me something to hold on for. I'm not sure, maybe I will never know. But I do know that her advice was the best advice I ever got. So thank you for being you and for giving me something to look for and to smile at.