My Baby...

is turning 2 in a couple of weeks and it is quite depressing. I was really sad when Logan turned 5, but Kolby turning 2 is really doing a number on me. I mean he is my baby and the last one I will ever have. Honestly he isn't a baby anymore and he is really turning into a terrible two toddler so quickly. "NO" "Nah ah" and "Me Help" have become the main words in his vocabulary. The funny thing is that Kolby really doesn't talk. He has been in speech since Apr. and you can really see a difference in his communication skills and how much he is progressing, but really he doesn't talk. But, those 3 statements are quite clear and used most often. He is super independent and does everything that Logan does. It is really cute and I love to watch their relationship develop, but I miss my baby. The other night I was holding him while he was sleeping and I just kept rubbing his little fingers and tracing his little face and trying to burn it into my memory. I kept kissing his little lips and eyes and I wish I could have that moment forever. I mean I do have it forever in my memory and it is mine to hold onto and cherish, but boy it would be nice to have him so small forever. I know what is next to come and I can only imagine what he will be like at Logan's age.

I miss the baby days with Logan. Everyone swears that they want their kids to get bigger that life would be easier and I always laugh because I was even one of those moms. I still say it sometimes. But the truth is that the baby days are so easy and as they get older it just gets harder. Logan's mouth just runs and runs and I don't mean talking. He has so much sass in him I thank God he was not a girl. His little mouth just says things some times and I have to stop and pause and remind myself that he is just a little boy. And his temper is out of this world. And determination to have the last word and to be right, well lets just say that he doesn't go down without a fight. I totally recognize his temper and determination, he comes by it naturally. I was like that, I still am like that. I remember doing things knowing I was going to get in trouble and not caring just to spite my parents and Logan is the same way. The good things is that he will mellow with age and he will learn to control these things and he will learn when to walk away and just let it go. Unfortunately I think I was married when I stared to put what I had learned into use. So I am not sure that Eric & I will benefit from what he learns, but maybe his wife will and that is a good thing.

Kolby is just a whole other story. Whatever grief Logan has caused me in his short five years, Kolby has managed to cause in less than 2. He is the spitting image of me. High maintenance, defiant, temper that is out of this world, and just so darn stubborn. Anyone who knew me as a child says I got what my mother prayed for, a child just like me. But I know that these things will help him in life to be a stronger, better person. Once he figures out what he believes and what he wants for himself he will go out and get it. He will not let things stand in his way and he will make the world a better place.

Both of my boys are outgoing, strong, confident, stubborn, strong-willed and I wouldn't have it any other way. As a parent raising 2 boys I know that my life is that much harder, but on the other hand I know that no one is going to push them around in life. I know that these are not bad qualities once you learn how to control them and that most likely they will be leaders. That is what I want for them. I want them to be strong. I want them to go out and get what they want. I want them to have the personality to achieve their happiness.

As for now I will just pray for patience and understanding, but of course I know how that goes. I ask God for patience and he just shows me how much more I can handle. And that's okay too.