My little boy...

My little boy is not the poster boy for the perfect 4 year old. He is actually far from it. My little boy is loud and can be a bit obnoxious sometimes (that's putting it kindly). My little boy gives hyper a whole new meaning. My little boy runs around like a crazed maniac making all kinds of interesting sounds and can make you dizzy just watching him. My little boy is messy and talks way to much while he is eating. My little boy does most things really slow and doesn't stay on track. My little boy can talk until you want to pull your hair out. My little boy can ask questions that make your head spin and make you wonder where he gets it from. My little boy can throw a temper tantrum that makes you want to run in the opposite direction. My little boy is not the best listener and he doesn't follow directions very well either. Yes, my little boy is a lot of undesirable things, but he is my little boy. The one thing that I never thought of him as was annoying. I have never seen him as someone that others didn't want to be around. I never saw him as someone that others would prefer that he go away or that he wasn't around. Yes I can see all of his imperfections, I am his mother after all and no one has spent the countless hours with him that I have. I know that he is not perfect, but I also know that for all his faults he has so much more to offer. My little boy is also a super loving person with a heart so big and full of love that we should all aim to love like him. My little boy will walk into a room and fill it with laughter and joy, like only a little boy can. My little boy is giving and sweet and compassionate. He is the first to ask why someone is sad or not feeling well. My little boy will tell you he loves you just to see you smile. He would never do something to make you upset on purpose. My little boy is helpful and sincere. He is a good boy.

In the past couple of days it has been brought to my attention that there are some people that do not appreciate him for who he is. That they do find him annoying and they want him to go away. These are not random strangers, these are people that I expect to love him and see him for all that he is and all that he has to offer this world. These are people that my little boy loves and adores. People that my little boy longs to have relationships with and doesn't understand when they are short with him or they tell him to go away. After all, he is just a little boy and this is way beyond him. I can't tell you how broken my heart is right now and how it continues to break for my little boy. I can see the look on his face and I know that somewhere inside he realizes that these people don't want to be around him. It hurts, but he doesn't understand why. Yes, my heart is broken and I am angry. I don't know if I will be able to offer forgiveness this time. I don't know how I will ever get over the feelings I have inside. I like to think of myself as a good person with a good heart, but I just don't know if I have enough good left in me this time. You see when I look at my little boy I see something so much different. I see a little boy so vivacious and full of life. A little boy so ready to explore the world around him that he can't contain himself. I see a little boy that is so full of so many emotions that he hasn't yet learned to control. I see a little boy that wants to get as much knowledge that he can fit into his mind and then some so he ask an endless amount of questions. When my little boy is getting louder and louder and laughing uncontrollably, I don't see the craziness that is occurring, I see the excitement that he tries hard to contain but can't. I see the twinkle in his eye, the amazing smile on his face that is radiating so much happiness. I see the little boy he is really enjoying life in a way that only a naive little boy can. When my little boy is running around the house like a crazed lunatic I see the energy that he has and how full of life he really is. When he is asking the endless questions that he ask I see his brain expanding and wonder if one day he will find the cures to save people's lives or if he will develop something that will be life changing for those who use it. When he is making the most annoying sounds I see his imagination at work and I wonder what else he can create in there. When he talks too much I see the little boy who is just so happy to be with me and the little boy that wants to share his life with me. When he is doing things slowly and not staying on track (especially when I am in a hurry) I see the little boy that is thinking and doing things his way. When he throws a temper tantrum I see his independence emerging and I am so filled with excitement that he will be a leader and not a follower. I am thrilled that he is filled with enough self confidence that he knows he can do things his way and that his father and I still love him and will not look at him with disapproving looks. I am happy that he has feelings and is learning how to use them. These times can be difficult, but being a parent is never easy. I constantly remind myself to look at my little boy for what he is, to respect his thoughts and feelings as I would want him to respect me. I see my little boy not only for what he is, but for what he will become and for what he has to offer this world. I know my little boy is special beyond words (what mother doesn't feel that way). I think beyond my anger and my sadness for my little boy I am more sorry for those around him that don't want to be. I am sorry for them that they don't see him the way that I do. That they can't love and accept him for who is. I am sorry that they will miss a most interesting adventure with my little boy. That they will never truly appreciate the world through his most amazing eyes. That they will miss out on his life.